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8.17.2005

For This I Blog

I felt like I was putting my soul out on the web as I blogged about Ju last night. It was kinda scarry...darn it, it was more scarry than I am used to. I was tempted several times to go back and delete the whole entry, but for some reason I didn't.

This morning in my mail came the encouraging words from several friends--mostly friends that I have the great blessing of knowing "in real life" but a few even from friends I've never met in person. Words of wisdom, a heaping dose of perspective and some thoughts that helped me realize my real mistake. A humble and deeply felt thank to each of you. I am honored to count such a wise group of women my friends.

My "validation" as a home schooling parent shouldn't have to come from my student. It comes from knowing that what I am doing for him is right and believing that this is the best way for him. No matter what the cost.

It's also possible that he doesn't realize that we are "doing school" because the home school situation is so drastically different than the traditional school situation he encountered for so long. Perhaps to him, it's not "school" at all. That makes total sense...especially when you consider that there wasn't much one-on-one directed learning happening with him at school...and now that's all he gets! (Well, pretty much.) This never entered my brain...but I really like the thought of it.

And lastly, it's not about me. (I'm hearing this a lot lately...maybe someday it will sink in.) The big IT is not me. It's outside me. What I do is not so much about me. It's about them. J, Ju, G and the rest of my family, the other people in my world...it's about seeking God's love and His wisdom. In Him do I live and breath and have meaning. Imagine that!

Thank you hardly seems adequate for the gifts of time and wisdom given to me today. But thank you.

Sarah

3 comments:

Leigh Ann said...

I'm glad to see that you are feeling better about things tonight. I read your post earlier today and felt so bad for you. You are doing such an incredibly difficult, challenging, yet wonderful thing for Ju and I know in the long run you will be able to see and enjoy the fruits of your labor. It's just hard to watch our kids struggle. Take heart and know that God will bless all that you are doing. Your bright, inquisitive little boy will grow up to do great things and you will know you had a very important role in that. God's blessings to your family!

TracieClaiborne said...

Oh Sarah. My heart is heavy for you. Tears are flowing as I type this. I can just imagine the hurt in your heart when he said that. If you're like me, you take things too personally. I definitely do. You know what? When I went to Christian school starting in 6th grade - I kinda felt like I was cheating and not going to school because it was so much fun. I had not really liked public school. Christian school seemed like "playing." And I was in 6th grade! So maybe that is how Ju relates to homeschooling. I'm sure you can gauge how much he is learning and thriving at home and you know that you are doing a great job. You are so intelligent, articulate and caring - you'd have to be doing a great job! Just keep on keepin' on girl. Hang in there - this too shall pass.

Laura said...

Hang in there - You are the mom and are doing what you feel is best for your child. 65 miles is too far for any child to travel for school. Homeschooling is great for many kids and it seems like it is the best option for you right now. Take it one year at a time. I "homeschool" my granddaughters for PreK and we love it. I have lots of online links if you want them. On a scrapbooking note: We have been studying the letter A and today took pictures of our Ant Hunt! We are going to make an ABC book together as a surprise for mom.