I'm just killing some of my "I'm-trying-to-be-patient" time with some random musings...there is a thread on 2Peas today about wearing wedding rings or choosing not to. I have some thoughts on that...gee, I know you are shocked, right.
Joal sang 3 songs at our wedding. I will never forget when he sat down on the stool, began to play the quiet opening notes of "Love of a Lifetime" after we had exchanged vows and rings. He played a few notes, stopped completely and held up his hand, he readjusted the pick in his hand and smiled at me. "I've never played with a wedding ring on." he said. Then he went on and finished the song. It was one of many funny sweet moments of our wedding.
We both have gold bands, both engraved with our wedding date and I have a small solitaire. We got married in college, almost 15 years ago, when 3 months salary wasn't nearly what it is today. LOL! I'm OK with that tho. I do love my rings.
Joal has worn his wedding band everyday from that day to this. His finger has a grove where the band sits. I love that.
Nine months after we were married, I lost my wedding rings. We were moving to our first apartment from the lowly married-student housing and when I was cleaning, I took off my rings and put them in a cup on our dining table. I forgot to put them back on before I left for an evening class. While I was in class, Joal and our friend David decided to use their dinner break to move some of the larger items to our apartment, including the table. The items on the table got moved to a box, including the cup. Unfortunately, by the time I caught up with the cup in the box, my rings weren't there.
I have rarely been that sad.
Joal said all the right things. "We'll get you a new one." and "It's just a ring. We are married, with or without it." but there wasn't much consolation. I remember feeling helpless and hopeless. All through the moving process, we hunted for them. We went thru every box, hoping it got stuck in the folds or something, but to no avail.
Word got around. (It was a small school.) I worked in the library and for days, every library patron would see my hand and ask "Where's your rings?" or "Haven't found the rings yet?" It was difficult and I felt horrible.
And then one day about a month later...after class, I was in the cafeteria studying, when David came in. He was beaming with a smile--something that was very unusual for him. He sat down next to me and held out his hand. "I think these belongs to you." he said and in his hand lay both my wedding rings.
Come to find out, one of the single faculty members moved into our place after we moved out. He hired one of the students, my friend Kim, to do some housekeeping for him. In her cleaning, she discovered my rings, but she hadn't heard about my loss. She decided to turn them in to the office. David worked in the office and was there when she brought them in. He knew just who they belonged to and he came to find me immediately.
It was a sweet day.
Since then, I have rarely taken them off. Pretty much the only time I've been without them, I was in the hospital giving birth. My rings were important to me before I lost them, but became even more important after that incident.
Yes, I know they are just a symbol, and we are still married, whether we wear them or not. But to me, a wedding ring says something. It's a declaration. It's a reminder. It's an unmistakable signal. It makes the lines of demarcation very clear.
He is claimed.
I am claimed.
And we want there to be no room for doubt.
I like that.