8.15.2008
8.14.2008
Dude. Go to Walgreens and get a PG test for $25.
OK so last Friday I had to go to the ER. My blood sugar was/is catastrophic and I was severely dehydrated, depressed, mad, and tired of fighting and not winning--all very normal for a person with high blood sugar. So shoot me. I've been a little stressed lately.
Nonetheless, after two bags of fluids and several rounds of "giving blood" for labs, the ER nurse told me I had an infection, and to go home and keep fighting. Just like I had been doing for a week.
Today the bill arrives.
Joy. Joy.
The good news. In the myriad of blood work, they gave me a pregnancy test. For the low low price of $293.
Dude.
You could have just asked me.
I'm pretty bright.
I would know.
Or gone to Walgreens and gotten a very high-quality, brand-name test for somewhere in the neighborhood of $25...not that I have needed one of those in about 5+ years...but ya know, it's kindof general knowledge among women.
293 dollars.
Craziness.
Just plain ol craziness.
And PS...No I'm not pregnant.
Big news there.
Alert the media.
Nonetheless, after two bags of fluids and several rounds of "giving blood" for labs, the ER nurse told me I had an infection, and to go home and keep fighting. Just like I had been doing for a week.
Today the bill arrives.
Joy. Joy.
The good news. In the myriad of blood work, they gave me a pregnancy test. For the low low price of $293.
Dude.
You could have just asked me.
I'm pretty bright.
I would know.
Or gone to Walgreens and gotten a very high-quality, brand-name test for somewhere in the neighborhood of $25...not that I have needed one of those in about 5+ years...but ya know, it's kindof general knowledge among women.
293 dollars.
Craziness.
Just plain ol craziness.
And PS...No I'm not pregnant.
Big news there.
Alert the media.
Armando is Home
Armando, my beloved computer, is home from the computer doctor. It was a long few days without him while he was on the fritz...hopefully, he's passed all that craziness now. I only spazzed a little without him.
Only a little (that I'll admit to).
My whole life is on this machine.
I neeeeeed Armando.
He's vital to my mental health.
Don't tell Joal.
In other news, however, in Armando's absence, I did manage to get moving on the big company scrapbook for the cruise. I have not scrapped a single thing since just before Andy got hurt. My scrapbooking juice just went away. I was really getting worried--I've never gone that long without doing something crafty before. I missed it.
___________________________________
About Andy
I talked to Mom earlier today and she said that Andy's feeding tube was removed last night! Great news. He's on the soft foods and Gatoraide diet...much to his approval. Deb said he received oatmeal for breakfast today but sent it back saying it was "nasty". I couldn't help but laugh at that. Oatmeal in our family is somewhat legendary. My mother makes oatmeal--or did when we were growing up--that only barely resembles what most people know as breakfast-style oatmeal. Her creation is more like a warm soft oatmeal cookie in a bowl...it comes doctored with brown-sugar and butter...sometimes a little milk if it's too hot. Trust me when I say it's the best way to eat oats on the planet! I can just imagine how disappointing hospital oatmeal would be, with a history of my mother's oatmeal!
I digress.
Mom said Andy and Daniel could be transported to Tampa any time--from tomorrow to two weeks from now. They are supposed to get 24 hours notice...but even that's iffy. Whenever the Air Force gets him a ride...that's when he goes. :)
Andy worked on PT for several hours today. Mom says PT is the highlight of his day and he works so very hard. I'm sure his goal is to exhaust himself so he can sleep at night. Mom went with him and she says it wears her out to be there with him. Yesterday the therapists got him on his stomach and up on his elbows (hands on the mat) and asked him to do some half-push-ups. He was able to do quite a few push ups--pushing his upper body up off the mat. Do you know how amazing that is?! And how hard he must be working?! So they did that again today, with success, and Andy commented that "these push ups aren't regulation". So, the PT asked him if he thought he could try to do regular (full-body) push-ups. At first he said "no". So of course, they didn't push. But then he said "yes." Mom said she's never seen the physical therapist scramble so fast to get into position to help him. :) With just help in maintaining the alignment of his lower body so the weight of it didn't throw the rest of his body off, he was able to do 10 (ten!!) push ups from his knees!
Push-ups!
Only a little (that I'll admit to).
My whole life is on this machine.
I neeeeeed Armando.
He's vital to my mental health.
Don't tell Joal.
In other news, however, in Armando's absence, I did manage to get moving on the big company scrapbook for the cruise. I have not scrapped a single thing since just before Andy got hurt. My scrapbooking juice just went away. I was really getting worried--I've never gone that long without doing something crafty before. I missed it.
___________________________________
About Andy
I talked to Mom earlier today and she said that Andy's feeding tube was removed last night! Great news. He's on the soft foods and Gatoraide diet...much to his approval. Deb said he received oatmeal for breakfast today but sent it back saying it was "nasty". I couldn't help but laugh at that. Oatmeal in our family is somewhat legendary. My mother makes oatmeal--or did when we were growing up--that only barely resembles what most people know as breakfast-style oatmeal. Her creation is more like a warm soft oatmeal cookie in a bowl...it comes doctored with brown-sugar and butter...sometimes a little milk if it's too hot. Trust me when I say it's the best way to eat oats on the planet! I can just imagine how disappointing hospital oatmeal would be, with a history of my mother's oatmeal!
I digress.
Mom said Andy and Daniel could be transported to Tampa any time--from tomorrow to two weeks from now. They are supposed to get 24 hours notice...but even that's iffy. Whenever the Air Force gets him a ride...that's when he goes. :)
Andy worked on PT for several hours today. Mom says PT is the highlight of his day and he works so very hard. I'm sure his goal is to exhaust himself so he can sleep at night. Mom went with him and she says it wears her out to be there with him. Yesterday the therapists got him on his stomach and up on his elbows (hands on the mat) and asked him to do some half-push-ups. He was able to do quite a few push ups--pushing his upper body up off the mat. Do you know how amazing that is?! And how hard he must be working?! So they did that again today, with success, and Andy commented that "these push ups aren't regulation". So, the PT asked him if he thought he could try to do regular (full-body) push-ups. At first he said "no". So of course, they didn't push. But then he said "yes." Mom said she's never seen the physical therapist scramble so fast to get into position to help him. :) With just help in maintaining the alignment of his lower body so the weight of it didn't throw the rest of his body off, he was able to do 10 (ten!!) push ups from his knees!
Push-ups!
It's easy to see the progress in his physical work and we are so grateful for his determination and his unbroken spirit in that regard. It's not so easy to deal with the emotional stuff. Healing is so equally needed and vital for his heart and mind as well as his body. That's our continued prayer...
Happy Thursday.
Changes
Dear family,
Andy has had another rehab type day. He was busy learning new skills. It is hard to convey this process verbally. Andy goes at it 110 percent, but to do that, he has to overcome the lack of perfect clarity, due to the effect of his medications. He has to struggle to communicate through a weakened voice due to his surgeries. And he has to hold his emotional life in check as he battles through the issues of how his life has changed.
This latter issue is really the issue. Today some of the New York Mets Baseball team were at the hospital visiting with some of the soldiers. The hospital is careful to get permission before bringing visitors into the room. When they asked Andy if he wanted them to visit he "waived them off."
This incident clearly characterizes what Andy is going through. It is much different when a soldier is wounded, but he knows that he will heal and life will be basically as it was before. For Andy, and those like him, that is not the case. Life is not going to be the same. They are not able to look forward to returning to normal, because they do not know what normal is any more.
So, everything in life becomes bitter sweet. Even our loving support and all of our best wishes and encouragement produce a confusion of emotions for him. These are met with a mix of gratitude mingled with fear and magnified anxiety. And daily now, I see him trying to sort it all out.
As he struggles in this stage, it seems that only the things that have real gravity matter at all. The shallow stuff and the light weight stuff of life never really get his attention right now. The consuming desire is just to do what ever is possible to get better. To get down the road. To find out what you can do again. All that really matters is "what will fix this."
Andy is always polite and considerate to those around him. But he is in real emotional pain. And everyday I see him quietly shield the people around him from that pain. He doesn't lash out, he doesn't complain. He just works at it. Hour after hour, day after day, he works at bringing his emotional life and his physical life back to the place of some meaning.
I love this kid. I love who he is right now. I love what I see in his character and the strength of his heart. I look forward to the day when we can laugh and talk about silly things together again. I look forward to the time when peace and confidence return to his life. But this is not that day. Today I have to be serious with him and accept the issues that are important to him and join in the gravity of his struggle. The struggle is really all that matters right now. And, to be part of Andy's life right now is to be part of his struggle.
Andy's life is not about the past right now. It is not about visits from baseball players or high ranking officers. Right now Andy's life is about finding the real substance of what will put life back together. And I think, right now, all he needs is the time to get that done, because he already has the heart.
I know that all of you love Andy. Some of you have never even met him, and yet I know that you love him with a true love. Thank you for being part of his struggle. Maybe we should all agree that, one day, after the tears, when it is appropriate, we must all laugh together with a long and heart felt laugh at the beauty of what God brings from this struggle.
Love to all Larry, Donna, and Family.
Andy has had another rehab type day. He was busy learning new skills. It is hard to convey this process verbally. Andy goes at it 110 percent, but to do that, he has to overcome the lack of perfect clarity, due to the effect of his medications. He has to struggle to communicate through a weakened voice due to his surgeries. And he has to hold his emotional life in check as he battles through the issues of how his life has changed.
This latter issue is really the issue. Today some of the New York Mets Baseball team were at the hospital visiting with some of the soldiers. The hospital is careful to get permission before bringing visitors into the room. When they asked Andy if he wanted them to visit he "waived them off."
This incident clearly characterizes what Andy is going through. It is much different when a soldier is wounded, but he knows that he will heal and life will be basically as it was before. For Andy, and those like him, that is not the case. Life is not going to be the same. They are not able to look forward to returning to normal, because they do not know what normal is any more.
So, everything in life becomes bitter sweet. Even our loving support and all of our best wishes and encouragement produce a confusion of emotions for him. These are met with a mix of gratitude mingled with fear and magnified anxiety. And daily now, I see him trying to sort it all out.
As he struggles in this stage, it seems that only the things that have real gravity matter at all. The shallow stuff and the light weight stuff of life never really get his attention right now. The consuming desire is just to do what ever is possible to get better. To get down the road. To find out what you can do again. All that really matters is "what will fix this."
Andy is always polite and considerate to those around him. But he is in real emotional pain. And everyday I see him quietly shield the people around him from that pain. He doesn't lash out, he doesn't complain. He just works at it. Hour after hour, day after day, he works at bringing his emotional life and his physical life back to the place of some meaning.
I love this kid. I love who he is right now. I love what I see in his character and the strength of his heart. I look forward to the day when we can laugh and talk about silly things together again. I look forward to the time when peace and confidence return to his life. But this is not that day. Today I have to be serious with him and accept the issues that are important to him and join in the gravity of his struggle. The struggle is really all that matters right now. And, to be part of Andy's life right now is to be part of his struggle.
Andy's life is not about the past right now. It is not about visits from baseball players or high ranking officers. Right now Andy's life is about finding the real substance of what will put life back together. And I think, right now, all he needs is the time to get that done, because he already has the heart.
I know that all of you love Andy. Some of you have never even met him, and yet I know that you love him with a true love. Thank you for being part of his struggle. Maybe we should all agree that, one day, after the tears, when it is appropriate, we must all laugh together with a long and heart felt laugh at the beauty of what God brings from this struggle.
Love to all Larry, Donna, and Family.
8.11.2008
Moving News
In the near future (when the pancreas and lung issues have been 100% resolved), Andy will be moving to the Veterans Polytrauma Rehabilitation Center at the James Haley Veterans Hospital in Tampa, Florida. This is an intensive rehab program that is designed especially for soldiers with spinal cord injuries. This intensive lasts for approximately 4 to 6 weeks and will be the opening volley of Andy's rehab. Following his stint in Tampa, it's likely he will move to Dallas for the long-haul rehab.
Tampa VPRC Page
Daniel and Andy put a great deal of thought, prayer and research into this decision and are confident that this is the best place for Andy. He's "ready to go to work".
Tampa VPRC Page
Daniel and Andy put a great deal of thought, prayer and research into this decision and are confident that this is the best place for Andy. He's "ready to go to work".
A New Day
There are still concerns about Andy's lungs and pancreas, but there are also areas of improvement-especially the movement and control of his arms and ever-increasing amounts of mobility. On Sunday, Andy tried out a motorized chair. He took it for a spin and got the hang of it pretty quickly. Mom said she thought that the only downside was that Andy thought the chair didn't go fast enough. ;) If I know my brothers they are already scheeming how to "Tim Taylor" that baby. He got pretty exhausted tho...
Sunday also brought the return of Aunt Judy and Uncle Ron (they live in Maryland, so they visit on the weekends). Andy was glad to see them--Ron is a retired Navy man (something I just learned), so they have alot in common.
Dad says Andy's been watching a good bit of the Olympics on television.
___________
On a personal note, today is Grey's first full day of Kindergarten. I dropped him off this morning and as he was walking in, he turned back and gave me the "thumbs up" sign. :)
Sunday also brought the return of Aunt Judy and Uncle Ron (they live in Maryland, so they visit on the weekends). Andy was glad to see them--Ron is a retired Navy man (something I just learned), so they have alot in common.
Dad says Andy's been watching a good bit of the Olympics on television.
___________
On a personal note, today is Grey's first full day of Kindergarten. I dropped him off this morning and as he was walking in, he turned back and gave me the "thumbs up" sign. :)
8.08.2008
Acknowledgement
Shortly after Andrew enlisted and left for boot camp, I felt compelled to write a few sisterly letters. I wrote to the President of the United States, to 4 Senators (2 from Texas and 2 from Tennessee) and to my Representatives from Tennessee. The letters were probably more for my benefit than theirs, but it was something I needed to do.
See I believe with all my heart that the people running this war from the comforts of their offices in Washington DC need to bear the full weight of their actions or in some cases in-actions. I believe that every day there should be photos of men and women who have acted bravely and sacrificially in this current military action--every single man and woman currently deployed to any spot on this globe--whether in combat or peace should have his or her picture flashed across the walls of the capital rotunda to remind our congressional delegations that every single time there is a troop deployment, a fiscal decision, an equipment development, a movement, an action--they are not conducting this war on numbers. They are conducting a war with real people--real soldiers.
In my letters, I explained those thoughts with as much respect as I could find and I asked for their faithfulness in remembering that these men and women are of greatest value. I asked that they each not give in to the number-crunching and the status-quo, but that they remember the humanity of every soul deployed. I enclosed a picture of my brother with each letter, stating that he was just one of many brothers, husbands, sons, fathers, wives, sisters, mothers, daughters, cousins, aunts and uncles, and friends who were depending on their elected officials to do right by them and this country.
I received a couple of form letter responses, and that's OK.
When I returned home from visiting Andy at Walter Reed, I began to grasp that Andy's story is being played out hundreds of times over in hospitals and rehab units all over the country. Soldier's doin' what they do...
I began to collect news articles about the attack on the 173rd and the many articles about those who went home for the last time. I wept over them...and prayed earnestly for their families.
(to be continued)
See I believe with all my heart that the people running this war from the comforts of their offices in Washington DC need to bear the full weight of their actions or in some cases in-actions. I believe that every day there should be photos of men and women who have acted bravely and sacrificially in this current military action--every single man and woman currently deployed to any spot on this globe--whether in combat or peace should have his or her picture flashed across the walls of the capital rotunda to remind our congressional delegations that every single time there is a troop deployment, a fiscal decision, an equipment development, a movement, an action--they are not conducting this war on numbers. They are conducting a war with real people--real soldiers.
In my letters, I explained those thoughts with as much respect as I could find and I asked for their faithfulness in remembering that these men and women are of greatest value. I asked that they each not give in to the number-crunching and the status-quo, but that they remember the humanity of every soul deployed. I enclosed a picture of my brother with each letter, stating that he was just one of many brothers, husbands, sons, fathers, wives, sisters, mothers, daughters, cousins, aunts and uncles, and friends who were depending on their elected officials to do right by them and this country.
I received a couple of form letter responses, and that's OK.
When I returned home from visiting Andy at Walter Reed, I began to grasp that Andy's story is being played out hundreds of times over in hospitals and rehab units all over the country. Soldier's doin' what they do...
I began to collect news articles about the attack on the 173rd and the many articles about those who went home for the last time. I wept over them...and prayed earnestly for their families.
(to be continued)
From Daddy on Thursday
Hello family,
We had probably the best day we have had since surgery today. I talked with the doctors as they came in early this morning about Andy's drowsiness etc. through the day. He has not really been clear since his surgery. I suspected the meds and I ask for some adjustments. As usual, they responded immediately and he was much brighter and more active today.
He had a teleconference with the rehab facility today. In all, there were about 35 doctors involved around 2 conference tables--one at WR and on in Tampa, Florida. The Florida group assured Andy that they had the facility and the expertise to get him to his maximum. Then Dr. Scott, the main doctor in Florida asked Andy if he had the drive to go the distance. Donna said that he straightened up in the strongest voice he's had since he's been here he said, "Sir, Yes sir. That is an affirmative!"
That is so Andy.
But, he is also still working through those big issues. Please continue to pray for him in that regard. He is kind of fighting a two front war--one with himself and one with his rehab. But, he is doing an admirable job of both. It seems to Dad these days that he just has to be older than 22 years.
Thanks for all your kindnesses and encouragement.
Love in Christ
For now,
Larry, Donna and Family.
We had probably the best day we have had since surgery today. I talked with the doctors as they came in early this morning about Andy's drowsiness etc. through the day. He has not really been clear since his surgery. I suspected the meds and I ask for some adjustments. As usual, they responded immediately and he was much brighter and more active today.
He had a teleconference with the rehab facility today. In all, there were about 35 doctors involved around 2 conference tables--one at WR and on in Tampa, Florida. The Florida group assured Andy that they had the facility and the expertise to get him to his maximum. Then Dr. Scott, the main doctor in Florida asked Andy if he had the drive to go the distance. Donna said that he straightened up in the strongest voice he's had since he's been here he said, "Sir, Yes sir. That is an affirmative!"
That is so Andy.
But, he is also still working through those big issues. Please continue to pray for him in that regard. He is kind of fighting a two front war--one with himself and one with his rehab. But, he is doing an admirable job of both. It seems to Dad these days that he just has to be older than 22 years.
Thanks for all your kindnesses and encouragement.
Love in Christ
For now,
Larry, Donna and Family.
From Daddy on Wednesday
From Daddy:
Dear Family,
I am learning compassion at a higher level these days as I watch your responses to Andy and our family. You make me aware that I must pause longer and look with more truly caring eyes at the pain and struggle of others. I have been truly changed by what I have seen in all of you.
Andy continues to collect people as he has always done. It happened again yesterday. The nurse came in late last night and as he was working on Andy he made a passing comment. He said, "Andy, you really impressed Douglas" (I think that was the name). "He said he was blown away by what you said."
This visit happened on day shift while I was sleeping, so I did not really know what they were talking about. We have been visited by several high ranking officers since we have been here and I thought they were referring to another one of those visits, but after the nurse finished and left, I asked Andy who he was talking about.
He said he was a fellow solider who came to see him . Three weeks ago that soldier stepped on an explosive in Iraq, and as a result, had lost both of his legs, his left hand, and suffered "compression" and burns to his face. Andy's comment was, "Dad, I know things could be much worse for me."
I don't know what Andy said to that valiant soldier, but I know that Andy was the one who was "blown away" by this soldiers courage. He also couldn't believe how far that this man's courage and the doctors at Walter Reed had brought him in just 3 weeks. He certainly inspired Andy, the people collector, in a lot of ways.
Andy continues to improve, as well. His pancreatitus is clearing up nicely. And this morning, he sat on the "throne" (a huge adjustable cardiac chair) and they rolled him down to the barber shop for a hair cut and shave. He got back exhausted, but he won't back away from anything that moves him closer to "normal."
He is still in-and-out somewhat due to the extreme exhaustion of his last 2 month on the battlefield, the wound and the medicines. But he is making visible progress. He never complains and he seems infinitely patient with what are sometimes very slow and difficult process that he had been used to doing much faster and easier: from turning in the bed to brushing his teeth to learning to use his fingers again.
It would appear that he will be going to Florida for his initial rehab. There is a facility there that is reported to be the "best in the system." It is where most special forces are sent for their rehab (naturally that would appeal to Andy). That initial rehab should last about 4 - 6 weeks and then probably back to Texas (maybe Dallas) to complete his transition. That's about all we know at this point.
Andy, is kind of quiet (for Andy) these days. When one of the therapist asked him about it the other day he said, "I'm just working through the big things." He and I continue to talk when he wants to about the "big things." Please pray that God would give him the graceful insights that he needs at this juncture.
Andy is mostly worried about how his circumstance is impacting the lives of his family. When Andy told us that he wanted to go in the Army, I got in his way "big time." At first, I just couldn't see it. No good parent is going to easily allow their child to be put in harms way. However, as Andy and I talked and I prayed, God began to make me aware, even way back there, that there was a providence connected to Andy's life that I was not privy to and that I should get out of his way. So, I did.
I certainly never dreamed that the providence would include the events of the last few weeks. But, I am convinced that this is the very providence that God, in His kindness, did not allow me to know in advance. I could not have survived that knowledge.
But I can survive it now because I see how God is changing all of our lives for the better through Andy's circumstance. He is changing Andy, and Daniel, and Sarah and Deborah and Donna and myself. And I know that so many of you are being significantly impacted in a very personal way by what has happened. And all of this brings me back to something that I have known for some time: There is a real "chemistry" involved in spiritual awakenings.
I have often made the statement to my congregation that the Church primarily exists for a moment in time: that moment when the spiritual chemistry becomes right to truly experience God. The chemistry of the divine moment - we live a thousand ordinary days waiting on that moment to occur, the moment when circumstance, emotions, sensitivity and awareness all align themselves in just the right way to enable us to make the leap to a new and higher level of spiritual reality.
It is only in these moments, when the chemistry is right, that we make the leap of conversion or the the leap to personal empowerment in the Living Christ through the Spiritual baptism, or to a true spiritual refreshing, or revival, or a new nearness to God, to a renewed heart and commitment.
These great leaps of faith do not occur in the "ho hum" days of ordinary moments. They occur in those rare and costly moments when the spiritual chemistry is right in our lives. They occur only in those God designed moments when all is right.
For many of us, myself included, God has brought to pass this very special chemistry through Andy's circumstance, and even as we weep, we sense the dawning of a new nearness, a renewed energy, an energized commitment to experience God at a higher level.
Larry
Dear Family,
I am learning compassion at a higher level these days as I watch your responses to Andy and our family. You make me aware that I must pause longer and look with more truly caring eyes at the pain and struggle of others. I have been truly changed by what I have seen in all of you.
Andy continues to collect people as he has always done. It happened again yesterday. The nurse came in late last night and as he was working on Andy he made a passing comment. He said, "Andy, you really impressed Douglas" (I think that was the name). "He said he was blown away by what you said."
This visit happened on day shift while I was sleeping, so I did not really know what they were talking about. We have been visited by several high ranking officers since we have been here and I thought they were referring to another one of those visits, but after the nurse finished and left, I asked Andy who he was talking about.
He said he was a fellow solider who came to see him . Three weeks ago that soldier stepped on an explosive in Iraq, and as a result, had lost both of his legs, his left hand, and suffered "compression" and burns to his face. Andy's comment was, "Dad, I know things could be much worse for me."
I don't know what Andy said to that valiant soldier, but I know that Andy was the one who was "blown away" by this soldiers courage. He also couldn't believe how far that this man's courage and the doctors at Walter Reed had brought him in just 3 weeks. He certainly inspired Andy, the people collector, in a lot of ways.
Andy continues to improve, as well. His pancreatitus is clearing up nicely. And this morning, he sat on the "throne" (a huge adjustable cardiac chair) and they rolled him down to the barber shop for a hair cut and shave. He got back exhausted, but he won't back away from anything that moves him closer to "normal."
He is still in-and-out somewhat due to the extreme exhaustion of his last 2 month on the battlefield, the wound and the medicines. But he is making visible progress. He never complains and he seems infinitely patient with what are sometimes very slow and difficult process that he had been used to doing much faster and easier: from turning in the bed to brushing his teeth to learning to use his fingers again.
It would appear that he will be going to Florida for his initial rehab. There is a facility there that is reported to be the "best in the system." It is where most special forces are sent for their rehab (naturally that would appeal to Andy). That initial rehab should last about 4 - 6 weeks and then probably back to Texas (maybe Dallas) to complete his transition. That's about all we know at this point.
Andy, is kind of quiet (for Andy) these days. When one of the therapist asked him about it the other day he said, "I'm just working through the big things." He and I continue to talk when he wants to about the "big things." Please pray that God would give him the graceful insights that he needs at this juncture.
Andy is mostly worried about how his circumstance is impacting the lives of his family. When Andy told us that he wanted to go in the Army, I got in his way "big time." At first, I just couldn't see it. No good parent is going to easily allow their child to be put in harms way. However, as Andy and I talked and I prayed, God began to make me aware, even way back there, that there was a providence connected to Andy's life that I was not privy to and that I should get out of his way. So, I did.
I certainly never dreamed that the providence would include the events of the last few weeks. But, I am convinced that this is the very providence that God, in His kindness, did not allow me to know in advance. I could not have survived that knowledge.
But I can survive it now because I see how God is changing all of our lives for the better through Andy's circumstance. He is changing Andy, and Daniel, and Sarah and Deborah and Donna and myself. And I know that so many of you are being significantly impacted in a very personal way by what has happened. And all of this brings me back to something that I have known for some time: There is a real "chemistry" involved in spiritual awakenings.
I have often made the statement to my congregation that the Church primarily exists for a moment in time: that moment when the spiritual chemistry becomes right to truly experience God. The chemistry of the divine moment - we live a thousand ordinary days waiting on that moment to occur, the moment when circumstance, emotions, sensitivity and awareness all align themselves in just the right way to enable us to make the leap to a new and higher level of spiritual reality.
It is only in these moments, when the chemistry is right, that we make the leap of conversion or the the leap to personal empowerment in the Living Christ through the Spiritual baptism, or to a true spiritual refreshing, or revival, or a new nearness to God, to a renewed heart and commitment.
These great leaps of faith do not occur in the "ho hum" days of ordinary moments. They occur in those rare and costly moments when the spiritual chemistry is right in our lives. They occur only in those God designed moments when all is right.
For many of us, myself included, God has brought to pass this very special chemistry through Andy's circumstance, and even as we weep, we sense the dawning of a new nearness, a renewed energy, an energized commitment to experience God at a higher level.
Larry
8.06.2008
Where did those 5 days go?
My apologies. I've been sick. And angry. And waiting. And the three do not make for happy or even decent blog posts.
The good news--the excellent news is that Andy's best 2 days since the attack were Sunday and Monday. As of Mom's latest update this morning (Wednesday), he's sitting up in the cardio chair more often and today the occupational therapist helped him to get dressed and took him downstairs for a haircut and shave. Mom said that alone has him feeling like a new man.
He slept better last night than he ever has...less pain, fewer nightmares.
He's more alert and responding to his surroundings more. All good things.
Still waiting on word about where he's going to be moving too...Daniel and Andy are examining all the options and looking for the very best for Andy. I'm not going to try to explain it all--that just seems to lead to confusion. When there's something to tell on that front, I'll post it.
The good news--the excellent news is that Andy's best 2 days since the attack were Sunday and Monday. As of Mom's latest update this morning (Wednesday), he's sitting up in the cardio chair more often and today the occupational therapist helped him to get dressed and took him downstairs for a haircut and shave. Mom said that alone has him feeling like a new man.
He slept better last night than he ever has...less pain, fewer nightmares.
He's more alert and responding to his surroundings more. All good things.
Still waiting on word about where he's going to be moving too...Daniel and Andy are examining all the options and looking for the very best for Andy. I'm not going to try to explain it all--that just seems to lead to confusion. When there's something to tell on that front, I'll post it.
8.01.2008
7.31.2008
And finally, one last phone call from Dad tonight...
Thursday night
One last note for the night--I spoke to my Dad on the phone for a bit and he gave me some updated information. Tomorrow Andy will be moved to a regular room for what they anticipate will be a 7-10 day stay before he leaves Walter Reed. Andy smiled some today and even laughed a little at times. He's watched a movie or two and told Dad that he wanted to watch Hogan's Heroes at bedtime. (It's a pre-requisite that all Burnett's are old classic tv lovers.) Daddy and Andy have talked alot lately about all kinds of things, but especially about the future. Andy still seems undaunted by it.
He was visited by a 2-star General today. Daddy said that he could see Andy "slip back into his uniform" mentally when the general stepped in his room. I saw that too, when I was there. He straightens his posture (to whatever degree he can), he gets his manners in place, his is all about the yes sir and no sir and he's tough as nails.
There's an error I need to clear up...I wrote earlier that the Army's Spinal Cord injury units for rehab were in Tampa, San Diego and Maryland. That is incorrect. Andy has three units to choose from that are specially staffed and equipped to deal with spinal cord injuries in the Army. All three 30-bed units are located in Texas--Dallas, Houston and San Antonio. That's sure to put a smile on Texas-boy's face. :)
Daddy was careful to tell me that Andy's looking better--his lips have healed, his complextion is improving, and the color returning to his face. I'm looking forward to seeing that all for myself soon.
Pray for a peaceful night and may you have one too.
One last note for the night--I spoke to my Dad on the phone for a bit and he gave me some updated information. Tomorrow Andy will be moved to a regular room for what they anticipate will be a 7-10 day stay before he leaves Walter Reed. Andy smiled some today and even laughed a little at times. He's watched a movie or two and told Dad that he wanted to watch Hogan's Heroes at bedtime. (It's a pre-requisite that all Burnett's are old classic tv lovers.) Daddy and Andy have talked alot lately about all kinds of things, but especially about the future. Andy still seems undaunted by it.
He was visited by a 2-star General today. Daddy said that he could see Andy "slip back into his uniform" mentally when the general stepped in his room. I saw that too, when I was there. He straightens his posture (to whatever degree he can), he gets his manners in place, his is all about the yes sir and no sir and he's tough as nails.
There's an error I need to clear up...I wrote earlier that the Army's Spinal Cord injury units for rehab were in Tampa, San Diego and Maryland. That is incorrect. Andy has three units to choose from that are specially staffed and equipped to deal with spinal cord injuries in the Army. All three 30-bed units are located in Texas--Dallas, Houston and San Antonio. That's sure to put a smile on Texas-boy's face. :)
Daddy was careful to tell me that Andy's looking better--his lips have healed, his complextion is improving, and the color returning to his face. I'm looking forward to seeing that all for myself soon.
Pray for a peaceful night and may you have one too.
News Articles about the Attack on Chosen Company
Again for storage and access, here are some links to news articles about the attacks on Chosen Company in AFG.
Stars and Stripes News: article from Vicenza Italy (where the 173rd is based)
Stars and Stripes News article
Washington Post article
Article with interviews from parents of fallen soldiers
LA Times Article of those who were lost
Stars and Stripes News 7/20
Stars and Stripes News: article from Vicenza Italy (where the 173rd is based)
Stars and Stripes News article
Washington Post article
Article with interviews from parents of fallen soldiers
LA Times Article of those who were lost
Stars and Stripes News 7/20
Map
Map of Afghanistan...I've notices several people saying Andy was serving in Iraq. I realize it's easy to get confused...it has a way of becoming all "over there" to us but to keep the story accurate--here's a map of Afghanistan that is easy to read.
Because I am trying to keep it all in one place...
Because I am trying to keep all my Andy writings and readings in one place (here) I am going to post this note (term used generously...my father has never been the master of brevity) from my dad dated July 27, even tho it's out of the order of things.
Hello family,
I am sorry I missed an update yesterday. I know everyone is anxious for news. The computer room that I was using was locked when I got there. Walter Reed, we are discovering, becomes an entirely different place on weekends. They kind of "roll up the sidewalks" on the weekend. What is normally a very bustling place, looks more like a ghost town unless you are actually in a ward. There the business of healing goes on non-stop, 24-7. This is truly an amazing place. You really have to be here to comprehend the high level of professionalism, and yet everywhere there is compassion, consideration, and kindness. Even the housekeeping people, if they see you looking lost, which happens a lot in my case, stop what they are doing and either direct or take you to where you need to go.
Yesterday I went to another floor and another ward to check on one of Andy's friends. He was not in his room but a very pleasant young nurse met me as I came back through the door and offered to let them know that I came by. She seemed so very young. As I walked back down the long hall I realized that everyone here seems so very young: doctors, nurses, Army staff.
Finally I realized why I had been feeling so old. It is because I go for a grandfather among all these "kids." 40 years old is "old" in the Army. But, I also have begun to realize that I have underestimated the potential that young people have when they are directed and devoted to what they are doing. And I have now observed and remembered again the vast, I said the vast, amounts of energy that they bring to whatever they are doing. No wonder I feel like an antique. I am an antique when measured beside them on the energy meter.
As I write this, Andy is getting another CT Scan. Then they are going to roll him outside, literally, to a courtyard on the fifth floor for a while. He continues to cooperate with the healing process and, when he can get away with it, to direct it. He is still in and out a lot, but he is resting noticeably better. Thanks so much for your prayers for that.
He has some pancreatitus, but the doctors are right on top of it and they say that it should not impact his surgery on Tuesday. That is the next big milestone toward which we are moving. After that surgery and recovery process he will have much more freedom of moment without the temporary brace that he is now wearing.
His arms are becoming stronger by the day. Their movement is beginning to be more deliberate and look more normal.
We have discovered that Andy really played down, in his phone conversations with us over the last 15 months, the level of activity that he was engaged in. I remember what he said when I took him to the airport to return from his last leave, he said, "Don't worry about me Dad. I'm just going to work." I know that he wanted to spare us the worry, but I have now "read him the riot act" that he is never to do that again. It pains me now that I was not somehow engaged at the same emotional level that he was.
Andy is in 3rd platoon, c (Chosen) company, 2 Battalion of 503 Infantry (The 173rd Airborne Brigade ) We found out just today that Andy's unit "The Rock" has been awarded 6 Silver Stars, 48 Bronze Stars with valor, more than 140 Army Commendation Medals with valor, 98 Purple Hearts, more than 150 other awards have been submitted for approval, including 2 for Medals of Honor, 3 Distinguished Service Crosses, and 3 more for Silver Stars as of June 30th. Obviously not the stuff of business as usual.
Each member of our family seems to relate a little differently to what has happened to Andy. This new awareness of the level of his combat environment has stirred what I know to be, on some level, irrational questions in me. Really they are probably better described as instincts: "If I could just have been there." "Could better preparation have been made in their position?" "Did they choose the right defensive position?" "Were they careful in their planning?" "How could I have fixed this?" Those are really the same instincts that were practiced and expressed a thousand times when Andy was still at home and safe with us. But they were just all rolled in to one short sentence each time he went out the door: "Be careful, Andy."
I think our children never really understand the careful soul searching of the parents who watch for them. They don't know what it's like to be constantly watchful. They will, maybe, but they don't understand it as a child. They think life is a hoot. We see it as the great adversary. So, when they get in their cars to go off somewhere out of our sight we always say, with way more anxiety than they know, "Be careful." But within that simple admonition are all of the questions of "is everything all right?" "Is it safe?" "Have I covered all the bases?"
Somewhere along the way I became a "father" to all of my children. It didn't happen the day they were born to me. It happened later as I became aware of what I was supposed to do for them. Somewhere I came to know that I was supposed to protect them, to keep them safe, to provide what they needed, to be their first line of defense against the harshness of this world.
And somewhere along the way this fathering thing stopped being a thought process and started being an instinct.
It is always there.
It never sleeps.
And it comes to life and reacts instantly, and sometimes not very rationally, concerning the issues of my children.
So, that is going on now, in this place. It is certainly not unmanageable but I would appreciate your prayers as I sort through these issues in what represents a really tough situation for all of us who are used to being "their protection."
As I prayed this morning the Lord reminded me of the early verses of Psalm 40. There the psalmist said that he cried out to God and that God inclined his ear to him and heard him. He said that God lifted him from the pit and the miry clay and set his feet on a rock and put a new song in his mouth. We are today anticipating the time to sing again. Thank you all for waiting so faithfully with us. It is coming. God will make it so. Love in Christ, Larry, Donna, and Family
__________________
end Daddy's "note".
Hello family,
I am sorry I missed an update yesterday. I know everyone is anxious for news. The computer room that I was using was locked when I got there. Walter Reed, we are discovering, becomes an entirely different place on weekends. They kind of "roll up the sidewalks" on the weekend. What is normally a very bustling place, looks more like a ghost town unless you are actually in a ward. There the business of healing goes on non-stop, 24-7. This is truly an amazing place. You really have to be here to comprehend the high level of professionalism, and yet everywhere there is compassion, consideration, and kindness. Even the housekeeping people, if they see you looking lost, which happens a lot in my case, stop what they are doing and either direct or take you to where you need to go.
Yesterday I went to another floor and another ward to check on one of Andy's friends. He was not in his room but a very pleasant young nurse met me as I came back through the door and offered to let them know that I came by. She seemed so very young. As I walked back down the long hall I realized that everyone here seems so very young: doctors, nurses, Army staff.
Finally I realized why I had been feeling so old. It is because I go for a grandfather among all these "kids." 40 years old is "old" in the Army. But, I also have begun to realize that I have underestimated the potential that young people have when they are directed and devoted to what they are doing. And I have now observed and remembered again the vast, I said the vast, amounts of energy that they bring to whatever they are doing. No wonder I feel like an antique. I am an antique when measured beside them on the energy meter.
As I write this, Andy is getting another CT Scan. Then they are going to roll him outside, literally, to a courtyard on the fifth floor for a while. He continues to cooperate with the healing process and, when he can get away with it, to direct it. He is still in and out a lot, but he is resting noticeably better. Thanks so much for your prayers for that.
He has some pancreatitus, but the doctors are right on top of it and they say that it should not impact his surgery on Tuesday. That is the next big milestone toward which we are moving. After that surgery and recovery process he will have much more freedom of moment without the temporary brace that he is now wearing.
His arms are becoming stronger by the day. Their movement is beginning to be more deliberate and look more normal.
We have discovered that Andy really played down, in his phone conversations with us over the last 15 months, the level of activity that he was engaged in. I remember what he said when I took him to the airport to return from his last leave, he said, "Don't worry about me Dad. I'm just going to work." I know that he wanted to spare us the worry, but I have now "read him the riot act" that he is never to do that again. It pains me now that I was not somehow engaged at the same emotional level that he was.
Andy is in 3rd platoon, c (Chosen) company, 2 Battalion of 503 Infantry (The 173rd Airborne Brigade ) We found out just today that Andy's unit "The Rock" has been awarded 6 Silver Stars, 48 Bronze Stars with valor, more than 140 Army Commendation Medals with valor, 98 Purple Hearts, more than 150 other awards have been submitted for approval, including 2 for Medals of Honor, 3 Distinguished Service Crosses, and 3 more for Silver Stars as of June 30th. Obviously not the stuff of business as usual.
Each member of our family seems to relate a little differently to what has happened to Andy. This new awareness of the level of his combat environment has stirred what I know to be, on some level, irrational questions in me. Really they are probably better described as instincts: "If I could just have been there." "Could better preparation have been made in their position?" "Did they choose the right defensive position?" "Were they careful in their planning?" "How could I have fixed this?" Those are really the same instincts that were practiced and expressed a thousand times when Andy was still at home and safe with us. But they were just all rolled in to one short sentence each time he went out the door: "Be careful, Andy."
I think our children never really understand the careful soul searching of the parents who watch for them. They don't know what it's like to be constantly watchful. They will, maybe, but they don't understand it as a child. They think life is a hoot. We see it as the great adversary. So, when they get in their cars to go off somewhere out of our sight we always say, with way more anxiety than they know, "Be careful." But within that simple admonition are all of the questions of "is everything all right?" "Is it safe?" "Have I covered all the bases?"
Somewhere along the way I became a "father" to all of my children. It didn't happen the day they were born to me. It happened later as I became aware of what I was supposed to do for them. Somewhere I came to know that I was supposed to protect them, to keep them safe, to provide what they needed, to be their first line of defense against the harshness of this world.
And somewhere along the way this fathering thing stopped being a thought process and started being an instinct.
It is always there.
It never sleeps.
And it comes to life and reacts instantly, and sometimes not very rationally, concerning the issues of my children.
So, that is going on now, in this place. It is certainly not unmanageable but I would appreciate your prayers as I sort through these issues in what represents a really tough situation for all of us who are used to being "their protection."
As I prayed this morning the Lord reminded me of the early verses of Psalm 40. There the psalmist said that he cried out to God and that God inclined his ear to him and heard him. He said that God lifted him from the pit and the miry clay and set his feet on a rock and put a new song in his mouth. We are today anticipating the time to sing again. Thank you all for waiting so faithfully with us. It is coming. God will make it so. Love in Christ, Larry, Donna, and Family
__________________
end Daddy's "note".
Andy on Thursday
My sister Deborah arrived in Washington DC yesterday and she reports that Andy sat up on the edge of his bed for 5 minutes todayay! This was surprising to the PT...she said it usually takes a week to work up to 5 minutes. Go Andy! Precision in his movement of his arms is increasing as is his strength. The right arm, which was lagging behind the left a good bit, is definitely improving.
My Aunt (daddy's only sister) and Uncle came to visit on Wednesday--they live in Maryland and came in for the day. My Aunt is a nurse who got her start in the Army.
Andy's team of doctors are anticipating a move to a normal room (non-SICU) as soon as the inflammation of his pancreas is under control again. There was some progress in that area--enough to allow the surgery to proceed--but as soon as one of the antibiotics was cut out, the fever came back. The feeding tube complicates matters in the pancreas.
Decisions about a rehabilitation center are looming in the near future. Daniel and Andy will be considering all the options in the coming days and making a selection. If I recall correctly, the options are San Diego, Tampa and Maryland. Pray for wisdom in the selection process for Andy and Daniel.
Mom, Dad, Daniel and Deb are sharing the rotation of spending time with Andy. Continue to pray for each of them--for their strength and health and stamina.
It seems that as the meds clear out of Andy's head he's beginning to deal with reality a little more, and that's not an easy thing. I wish we could know more about what he's understood and felt these last 2 weeks. I'm sure there's alot of confusion and that may be a gift.
Wow. It's been two weeks. I hadn't even thought of that until I just wrote it. When I was there it seemed as though time passed at a quarter of it's usual rate. An hour seemed like four. A day seemed like four days. Now, as I've pulled back a little, by virtue of being at home and on a somewhat normal schedule with my family, time is back to normal but it stops intermittently...every time the phone rings and when I'm reminded of something Andy said or did.
Today I remembered that at one point when I was there Andy asked for some S'mores. He was unusually insistent that he needed more chocolate bars to make more S'mores. I feel sure that wherever he was in his mind, the S'mores were tasting really good and that he was in good company.
Blessings to you all,
My Aunt (daddy's only sister) and Uncle came to visit on Wednesday--they live in Maryland and came in for the day. My Aunt is a nurse who got her start in the Army.
Andy's team of doctors are anticipating a move to a normal room (non-SICU) as soon as the inflammation of his pancreas is under control again. There was some progress in that area--enough to allow the surgery to proceed--but as soon as one of the antibiotics was cut out, the fever came back. The feeding tube complicates matters in the pancreas.
Decisions about a rehabilitation center are looming in the near future. Daniel and Andy will be considering all the options in the coming days and making a selection. If I recall correctly, the options are San Diego, Tampa and Maryland. Pray for wisdom in the selection process for Andy and Daniel.
Mom, Dad, Daniel and Deb are sharing the rotation of spending time with Andy. Continue to pray for each of them--for their strength and health and stamina.
It seems that as the meds clear out of Andy's head he's beginning to deal with reality a little more, and that's not an easy thing. I wish we could know more about what he's understood and felt these last 2 weeks. I'm sure there's alot of confusion and that may be a gift.
Wow. It's been two weeks. I hadn't even thought of that until I just wrote it. When I was there it seemed as though time passed at a quarter of it's usual rate. An hour seemed like four. A day seemed like four days. Now, as I've pulled back a little, by virtue of being at home and on a somewhat normal schedule with my family, time is back to normal but it stops intermittently...every time the phone rings and when I'm reminded of something Andy said or did.
Today I remembered that at one point when I was there Andy asked for some S'mores. He was unusually insistent that he needed more chocolate bars to make more S'mores. I feel sure that wherever he was in his mind, the S'mores were tasting really good and that he was in good company.
Blessings to you all,
Scrapbooking
So back to scrapbooking for just a moment...
My favorite scrapbook store closed a little while ago. I was heart-broken. Rather than drive so far to the other stores in my area I thought I would give a monthly kit-club a try. Every month a box of coordinated scrapbook goodies is to arrive on my doorstep. It's like shopping without the drive time. :) Good, right?
July was my first month to receive a kit and I loved it. Very cool stuff. Fast-forward to August. The teaser photo is up on the website this morning, first thing. OK, so I know that a subscription is always a risk. I'm OK with that. I'm not blown away with this kit but I can use it. My beef is that all the "add-on"--coordinating ribbons, stamps and extra paper are already sold out. Where's the fun in that? Plan ahead...go big or go home. Don't think that this is a good marketing ploy. It's not. It's making me want to not continue my membership.
Ya'll know I like 2peas. Always have. I've been hanging out there for years, mainly because peas are real. If something stinks, they will call you on it. In a heartbeat. Bad product gets called bad product. Great products become legendary at 2peas. So I'm a little turned off by all the sappy sweetness of other boards...the rah rah rah of every single thing like it's breaking news and pure genius...the "our design team can do nothing less than spactacular" mentality is lost on me. And no, I don't leave fake praise.
Why can't someone come up with a QK-based monthly kit club?
I can't win today. I think I need to go for a walk.
My favorite scrapbook store closed a little while ago. I was heart-broken. Rather than drive so far to the other stores in my area I thought I would give a monthly kit-club a try. Every month a box of coordinated scrapbook goodies is to arrive on my doorstep. It's like shopping without the drive time. :) Good, right?
July was my first month to receive a kit and I loved it. Very cool stuff. Fast-forward to August. The teaser photo is up on the website this morning, first thing. OK, so I know that a subscription is always a risk. I'm OK with that. I'm not blown away with this kit but I can use it. My beef is that all the "add-on"--coordinating ribbons, stamps and extra paper are already sold out. Where's the fun in that? Plan ahead...go big or go home. Don't think that this is a good marketing ploy. It's not. It's making me want to not continue my membership.
Ya'll know I like 2peas. Always have. I've been hanging out there for years, mainly because peas are real. If something stinks, they will call you on it. In a heartbeat. Bad product gets called bad product. Great products become legendary at 2peas. So I'm a little turned off by all the sappy sweetness of other boards...the rah rah rah of every single thing like it's breaking news and pure genius...the "our design team can do nothing less than spactacular" mentality is lost on me. And no, I don't leave fake praise.
Why can't someone come up with a QK-based monthly kit club?
I can't win today. I think I need to go for a walk.
7.29.2008
After lunch on Tuesday
Andy came thru the sugery with flying colors...he should have full use of his neck and that "blasted" brace is gone. Can I get an AMEN to that?! :) He is resting.
Thanks be to the Lord.
As you may have noticed, Daddy and I deal with stuff by writing it down. It's a therapy of sorts, I guess you could say. I have spent my life believing that the stories of our lives hold immeasurable value--that our stories are woven together in a tapestry that extend down through the course of time and that there are things to be learned from every story and every experience. We are not simple observers...we are each characters in every story, to varying degrees.
All the world is a stage...and all that.
That's what "Love Letters Illustrated" was about before Andy became the focus. Preserving the stories...
With that in mind, I'm dividing the rest of this post into two sections. Here's part one of some random, back-story thoughts that I've been writing:
Wounded Warriors
The term "Wounded Warriors" is common-place at Walter Reed Army Medical. It's on the walls, on the signs, used by the caregivers and staff and is even found on t-shirts and mugs. The first time I saw it on the WR website, it hit me in the chest like a load of bricks. It just seems like those two words are the most unlikely pairing of words imaginable.
While I understand cognitively that Andy is wounded, as his sister--particularly his older sister--I have trouble (still) with the warrior part of that phrase applying to him. I saw the film at his bootcamp graduation 2 years ago showing clips of his class preparing to fight a war--preparing their minds with the strategies and equipment of war and training their physical bodies for the rigors of combat. It was not particularly graphic, but it was very personal as even to me, they seemed so very young. Thoughts plaugued the back of my head like flies...do they really know what they are getting in to, I wondered. Do I really know what he's getting into? Probably not.
Andy is 13 years younger than me so in some ways I still have some motherly feelings towards him. He's 6' 3" now and weighs about 190 but when I say "he's my little brother" it's mostly because that's how I think of him. He was 5 when I got married and in some ways he "got stuck" in my head as that cute 5 year old boy with the flaming crazy red hair who would go and go and go until he just crashed out. When Andy ran out of gas, he would simply sleep, wherever that happened to be. My mom has a picture of him asleep in the dirt under a tire swing...that's just how he has always been. He goes full-tilt.
On that hot day in June 2006, as we gatherred in Lawton to witness his bootcamp graduation, I cried sweet tears of pride for his first real Army accomplishment, while at the same time I pushed away the fear that had started growing on Thanksgiving Day the year before by telling myself "he's going to be a medic".
My brother will be the medic.
He will jump out of the belly of a plane wearing a parachute for kicks but his main job will be to patch up broken soldiers. He will be the Band-Aid Boy. (Sometimes older sisters have the right and responsibility to be disrespectful, right?)
He's a medic.
He's a medic.
He's a medic.
This was the mantra I clung to. And then the photos started to come in via his myspace page and his facebook page. You know me...I craved photos. His first assignment was Italy. "The photos will be so cool", I thought. He will visit Venice and Rome and spend his downtime enjoying being abroad. He did those things...he even surprised me with photos from a snowboarding trip in the Alps, but he also started sending back photos of his men.
Other soldiers...groups of soldiers.
On tanks, with big guns.
And progressively, the guns got bigger and bigger.
The smile on his face changed...and then finally disappeared altogether.
No more smiles.
No more Italian sights.
As his crew was deployed into Afghanistan the photos slowed and each new one that did appear, showed somber serious, grown-up Andy with other somber, serious grown-up guys and guns that looked way too big for one to carry while being a "band-aid boy".
My image of him as a medic wasn't withstanding the test of time very well. I wanted to think that his guys would protect him because they needed him. I knew in my head that I wasn't getting the real picture of all he was doing. I felt like a slackard sister for being content to wallow in my lack of accurate knowledge. I was afraid to ask and Andy didn't volunteer. Our IM sessions were jagged. I wanted to know he was OK...but we couldn't get past the small talk. Whether that was for his security or for my lack of guts, I just don't know.
I don't blame him--I know he thought he was protecting all of us by keeping quiet about his "job" and the inherrent dangers. I have a feeling that this is a common theme among Army families and maybe it's not completely unjustified. Maybe he needed to feel like he was protecting us from the knowledge of things that we have no ability to process.
I think I knew that there was more going on than Band-Aids by his first visit home. I knew but I didn't ask him to confirm it. Denial can be a very cozy place.
Thanks be to the Lord.
As you may have noticed, Daddy and I deal with stuff by writing it down. It's a therapy of sorts, I guess you could say. I have spent my life believing that the stories of our lives hold immeasurable value--that our stories are woven together in a tapestry that extend down through the course of time and that there are things to be learned from every story and every experience. We are not simple observers...we are each characters in every story, to varying degrees.
All the world is a stage...and all that.
That's what "Love Letters Illustrated" was about before Andy became the focus. Preserving the stories...
With that in mind, I'm dividing the rest of this post into two sections. Here's part one of some random, back-story thoughts that I've been writing:
Wounded Warriors
The term "Wounded Warriors" is common-place at Walter Reed Army Medical. It's on the walls, on the signs, used by the caregivers and staff and is even found on t-shirts and mugs. The first time I saw it on the WR website, it hit me in the chest like a load of bricks. It just seems like those two words are the most unlikely pairing of words imaginable.
While I understand cognitively that Andy is wounded, as his sister--particularly his older sister--I have trouble (still) with the warrior part of that phrase applying to him. I saw the film at his bootcamp graduation 2 years ago showing clips of his class preparing to fight a war--preparing their minds with the strategies and equipment of war and training their physical bodies for the rigors of combat. It was not particularly graphic, but it was very personal as even to me, they seemed so very young. Thoughts plaugued the back of my head like flies...do they really know what they are getting in to, I wondered. Do I really know what he's getting into? Probably not.
Andy is 13 years younger than me so in some ways I still have some motherly feelings towards him. He's 6' 3" now and weighs about 190 but when I say "he's my little brother" it's mostly because that's how I think of him. He was 5 when I got married and in some ways he "got stuck" in my head as that cute 5 year old boy with the flaming crazy red hair who would go and go and go until he just crashed out. When Andy ran out of gas, he would simply sleep, wherever that happened to be. My mom has a picture of him asleep in the dirt under a tire swing...that's just how he has always been. He goes full-tilt.
On that hot day in June 2006, as we gatherred in Lawton to witness his bootcamp graduation, I cried sweet tears of pride for his first real Army accomplishment, while at the same time I pushed away the fear that had started growing on Thanksgiving Day the year before by telling myself "he's going to be a medic".
My brother will be the medic.
He will jump out of the belly of a plane wearing a parachute for kicks but his main job will be to patch up broken soldiers. He will be the Band-Aid Boy. (Sometimes older sisters have the right and responsibility to be disrespectful, right?)
He's a medic.
He's a medic.
He's a medic.
This was the mantra I clung to. And then the photos started to come in via his myspace page and his facebook page. You know me...I craved photos. His first assignment was Italy. "The photos will be so cool", I thought. He will visit Venice and Rome and spend his downtime enjoying being abroad. He did those things...he even surprised me with photos from a snowboarding trip in the Alps, but he also started sending back photos of his men.
Other soldiers...groups of soldiers.
On tanks, with big guns.
And progressively, the guns got bigger and bigger.
The smile on his face changed...and then finally disappeared altogether.
No more smiles.
No more Italian sights.
As his crew was deployed into Afghanistan the photos slowed and each new one that did appear, showed somber serious, grown-up Andy with other somber, serious grown-up guys and guns that looked way too big for one to carry while being a "band-aid boy".
My image of him as a medic wasn't withstanding the test of time very well. I wanted to think that his guys would protect him because they needed him. I knew in my head that I wasn't getting the real picture of all he was doing. I felt like a slackard sister for being content to wallow in my lack of accurate knowledge. I was afraid to ask and Andy didn't volunteer. Our IM sessions were jagged. I wanted to know he was OK...but we couldn't get past the small talk. Whether that was for his security or for my lack of guts, I just don't know.
I don't blame him--I know he thought he was protecting all of us by keeping quiet about his "job" and the inherrent dangers. I have a feeling that this is a common theme among Army families and maybe it's not completely unjustified. Maybe he needed to feel like he was protecting us from the knowledge of things that we have no ability to process.
I think I knew that there was more going on than Band-Aids by his first visit home. I knew but I didn't ask him to confirm it. Denial can be a very cozy place.
Surgery
Andy's surgery is scheduled to begin at 8am Eastern and they've been told it could take as little as four hours or as many as 8. Pray for Mom and Dad and Daniel as they do that horrible task of waiting and wondering. Pray for Andy and the hands and hearts of the medical team. Pray that this procedure incurs no setbacks to the progress that Andy has worked so hard to achieve already. Pray that healing begins today in completely unexplainable ways.
In other news,they finally got permission to let him receive mail, so I will be changing the address in the sidebar to reflect a more direct route for cards and letters.
Psalm 103
Praise to the Lord of Love
Of David.
1 All that I am, praise the Lord;
everything in me, praise his holy name.
2 My whole being, praise the Lord
and do not forget all his kindnesses.
3 He forgives all my sins
and heals all my diseases.
4 He saves my life from the grave
and loads me with love and mercy.
5 He satisfies me with good things
and makes me young again, like the eagle.
6 The Lord does what is right and fair
for all who are wronged by others.
7 He showed his ways to Moses
and his deeds to the people of Israel.
8 The Lord shows mercy and is kind.
He does not become angry quickly,
and he has great love.
9 He will not always accuse us,
and he will not be angry forever.
10 He has not punished us as our sins should be punished;
he has not repaid us for the evil we have done.
11 As high as the sky is above the earth,
so great is his love for those who respect him.
12 He has taken our sins away from us
as far as the east is from west.
13 The Lord has mercy on those who respect him,
as a father has mercy on his children.
14 He knows how we were made;
he remembers that we are dust.
15 Human life is like grass;
we grow like a flower in the field.
16 After the wind blows, the flower is gone,
and there is no sign of where it was.
17 But the Lord's love for those who respect him
continues forever and ever,
and his goodness continues to their grandchildren
18 and to those who keep his agreement
and who remember to obey his orders.
19 The Lord has set his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over everything.
20 You who are his angels, praise the Lord.
You are the mighty warriors who do what he says
and who obey his voice.
21 You, his armies, praise the Lord;
you are his servants who do what he wants.
22 Everything the Lord has made
should praise him in all the places he rules.
My whole being, praise the Lord.
In other news,they finally got permission to let him receive mail, so I will be changing the address in the sidebar to reflect a more direct route for cards and letters.
Psalm 103
Praise to the Lord of Love
Of David.
1 All that I am, praise the Lord;
everything in me, praise his holy name.
2 My whole being, praise the Lord
and do not forget all his kindnesses.
3 He forgives all my sins
and heals all my diseases.
4 He saves my life from the grave
and loads me with love and mercy.
5 He satisfies me with good things
and makes me young again, like the eagle.
6 The Lord does what is right and fair
for all who are wronged by others.
7 He showed his ways to Moses
and his deeds to the people of Israel.
8 The Lord shows mercy and is kind.
He does not become angry quickly,
and he has great love.
9 He will not always accuse us,
and he will not be angry forever.
10 He has not punished us as our sins should be punished;
he has not repaid us for the evil we have done.
11 As high as the sky is above the earth,
so great is his love for those who respect him.
12 He has taken our sins away from us
as far as the east is from west.
13 The Lord has mercy on those who respect him,
as a father has mercy on his children.
14 He knows how we were made;
he remembers that we are dust.
15 Human life is like grass;
we grow like a flower in the field.
16 After the wind blows, the flower is gone,
and there is no sign of where it was.
17 But the Lord's love for those who respect him
continues forever and ever,
and his goodness continues to their grandchildren
18 and to those who keep his agreement
and who remember to obey his orders.
19 The Lord has set his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over everything.
20 You who are his angels, praise the Lord.
You are the mighty warriors who do what he says
and who obey his voice.
21 You, his armies, praise the Lord;
you are his servants who do what he wants.
22 Everything the Lord has made
should praise him in all the places he rules.
My whole being, praise the Lord.
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