Oh my goodness. Pain and complaining ahead. Stop reading now, or consider yourself warned. Life is not always scrapbooking and music...and here's the proof. Sometimes it hurts. Bad.
Although I have never experienced the pain of childbirth (in the normal way), since Julian was born some 11 years ago, I have had the awful curse of loosened shoulder joints. I have no clue why the two go together (shoulder joint trauma and childbirth) but apparently it does, and while the later goes away, I'm here to say the former sticks around as a serious reminder.
I can be minding my own beeswax, nice and quiet like and I reach for something and a sudden ripping maddening pain jars thru my shoulder as it slips out of place. My eyes water and my vision blurs and I usually say very bad words in very loud tones. It is unlike anything else I have ever felt. It is insane. In the few but agonizing moments between when my shoulder joint slips out of it's normal place and the time it gets realigned, I would gladly agree to any other torture, maybe even dismemberment. Want to clean out my bank account? Go ahead. Anything. It's that bad.
I tell you this because for the first time a months, I had one of these episodes today. I reached out to touch G's head and I heard it and felt it all in the same moment. I sank into the sofa and cried. It was one of those long pathetic painful crying jags that sent my sons to huddle in the chair, waiting to see if Mommy has actually lost her mind or if she might eventually get over it. It probably seemed for a while that it could go either way.
Finally after about 30 minutes of snivelling and moaning, Julian brings me a cup of water and sits down next to me. "Don't touch my arm." I said. "Are you dying?" he said dramatically, and with a slight bit of contempt. "No" I said, but the thought did cross my mind that dying might be easier and hurt less. I didn't tell him that. Grey, emboldened by his brother's movements in the face of my obvious collapse, collects the box of Dora the Explorer bandaids from the kitchen table and offers them to me. "You'll feel better" he says, handing me the box and beating a hasty retreat to the chair across the room.
I spend the next 1.5 hours on the sofa, curled up, holding my left arm immobile across my chest, not moving. Snivelling. Moaning. Crying a little. Being very un-Mommy-like. The soreness will remain for a few days but the memory of it will keep me from making certain movements with my shoulders for weeks. And then one day, I'll forget to be careful, and suddenly, there it will be again.
So much for the happy blog.
I've been thru this cycle 5-8 times a year for 11 years now. It worsened after G. For a short while the thought of hugging someone (anyone) terrified me. What could be worse than being in the midst of a hug and suddenly have a pain-filled conniption? Talk about traumatizing a friend.
I don't understand it--it's totally random and unpredictable. Like having children isn't hard enough. My aunt (a surgical nurse) says it's pretty common, although I don't think I've run across anyone else who has it happen this often and for as many years post-birth as I. Lucky me.
Later in the evening, the boys and I decided to try a new recipe. So we made a half-recipe of this:
Chocolate Raspberry Cookies
Recipe courtesy Paula Deen
See this recipe on air Monday Apr. 02 at 1:00 PM ET/PT.
Paula's Home Cooking
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup lightly packed brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/3 cup Dutch process cocoa
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 (6-ounce) package raspberry creme filled dark chocolate baking pieces (recommended: Hershey's Premier Dark Chocolate Baking Pieces Filled With Raspberry Creme)
Raspberry Icing, recipe follows
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Lightly grease baking sheets.
With an electric mixer, beat butter and sugars together at medium speed until fluffy. Add eggs and vanilla, beating well.
In a small bowl, combine flour, cocoa, and baking powder; gradually add to butter mixture, beating until blended. Stir in baking pieces.
Drop cookies by tablespoonfuls onto prepared baking sheets.
Bake 12 to 14 minutes.
Remove to wire racks to cool.
Once cool, drizzle with Raspberry Icing.
1 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
2 tablespoons milk
1 tablespoon seedless raspberry preserves
In a small bowl, combine all ingredients, stirring until smooth.
Recipe can be found here.
Can I just say that I think chocolate definately has healing powers? Never fear...I'm taking the major part of the cookies to a friend's house today. Share the wealth, ya know. :) Actually the icing--as simple as it is--was superb. Raspberries...I never realized the appeal of raspberries and chocolate. But my eyes have been opened.
Happy Tuesday. May your joints all remain correctly aligned.