Who am I? Anyway.

I'm frustrated.
My big dude will turn 13 in a few days and apparently I've been over-thinking on that topic. Thirteen years.
I remember when Joal held his entire premature 4 pound body in one hand.
I remember when we joked that he weighed less than a bag of sugar.
I remember buying his first pair of shoes in the doll aisle of a craft store...because baby shoes were all too big for his tiny little tootsies.
And now he's wearing shoes larger than his father's and his jeans are longer than mine.
If I were really brave, I would admit that he's a hair taller than me.
Trust me. I'm not ready to acknowledge that fact.
((picture me stuffing my fingers in my ears and singing lalalalalalalala...)

Being the mother of a thirteen year old son has brought me slap smack into the middle of some kind of nightmarish "what am I going to do when I grow up?" phase.

Don't get me wrong.
I do alot.
I'm the homeschooling parent of a special needs child (teen). I scrapbook. I write a blog. I cook. I take care of a family.
I am the mother of a private school kindergartener...who thinks he's about to turn 13 too.
I do alot.
I am a person with diabetes.
I have been a florist, a flower buyer, a craft class teacher, a professional scrapbooker, a crop organizer, a marketing assistant, a really bad secretary, a pharmacy clerk, a circulation clerk in a library, a cashier at Kroger, a web designer, a writer, and a contributing artist.

I have done all these things...and I don't know what I am good at.

With the exception of the secretarial position which was pure torture for everyone involved and probably the worst choice I have ever made...I feel like I did well at each of the positions I have held. It's that oldest child thing...if I do something, I want it done well. I have done all these things but I'm missing something. I feel like there's something I am missing out on...some undefined thing that I would be really good at, that would be good for me and good for others, and beneficial to my family.

What am I missing?
What's the next step?
I'm not sure.
I am looking.

I heard someone say "look for the thing you would pay for the joy of doing and get someone to pay you to do it with joy".

If I only knew what that thing was...

1 comment:

Suzanne said...

You are speaking my language! I have been feeling all this myself over the last year. I too am the first born and still don't know exactly what I'm good at but I guess we just have to keep searching until God shows us what it is.